[Drem yol lok]

As a bard, I'm always looking to learn new and interesting ways to ply my trade. My search has, of course, led me to discover this wonderful website, which I've been browsing for a few months now. I know I'm fairly new to Dovahzul, but I still wanted to try my hand at writing a song in this beautiful language.

What topic did I pick to write about?

Why, I'm writing a generic love song, of course!

Keep in mind, this is a work in progress, so it's far from finished. The song structure is nowhere near completed, and there are still a few things I'm looking to fix. I'd say this is probably about the halfway point, but I wanted some feedback before I finish it up.

I know the dog metaphor in the first verse is a stretch, but not much else rhymes with "mindok," so I'll just have to deal with it until I can find something better. I do appreciate the fun bit of wordplay in the chorus, though!

Anyway, let me know what you think! Any and all constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

[Jol lah los botaas]

[dii hes brit kulaas]

[dreh nu dahmaan usnutiid]

[ahrk nu rek mindok]

[zu'u los rek aadok]

[mahfaeraak fah alunstiid]

[ahrk zey mindok]

[ahrk rek mindok]

[un lokal los vahzah]

[nii neh fent feim]

[ahrk mu dreh eim]

[un lokal los vozah]

[ko koor mu kavrot]

[ofuun lokal lot]

[med mu ofuun ulan laas]

[ahrk fod tiid aros]

[pahvoth mu agos]

[mu gron ko stahdim aavlaas]

[ahrk zey mindok]

[ahrk rek mindok]

[un lokal los vahzah]

[nii neh fent feim]

[ahrk mu dreh eim]

[un lokal los vozah]

How is it that I did not see this? Balaan pel, dun zeymah! I welcome you among the ever few Dovahzul poets.

Since you are writing in non-canon words, I will base my notes on the last form of the legacy vocabulary.

- Spelling: lokal -> lokaal, alunstiid -> aluntiid, ulan -> ulaan, agos -> ahkos. Most of these are forms listed in old print dictionaries.

- Jol meant 'blurt' as in 'say suddenly'. Ignore this line if it is a conscious word choice.

- 'her dog' would be ek dok. By contrast, 'I see her' would be zu'u koraav rek in canon and zu'u koraav mek in non-canon.

By all means keep writing! Dein wundun. We need your help to explore new reaches of Dovahzul art.

Thanks for the help! I was using a mixture of the 4th edition print dictionary and the Dovahzul app for Android, so I'm not surprised that it's a bit out of date. That just goes to show how important it is to update these things! (I'll try to help Also Not Liis with her new Dovahzul app as much as I can.)

I'll see what I can do to edit the song and make it work better, and I'll post the updated version when I get a chance. Don't worry, I'm definitely going to keep writing! It'll take more than a few simple mistakes to dishearten a bard of my caliber! Thanks again for the help, Frinmulaar! 

Alright, just some preliminary fixes here, but I think I worked out some of the kinks. Decided to drop the dog metaphor altogether in favor of something more literal, which works much better. (Before, I was looking for words ending in -dok to rhyme with "mindok," but I decided that a word ending with -ok will work just as well.) I changed [jol] to [rul] in the first line, too (no idea where I got [jol] in the first place) and fixed the spelling errors you pointed out.

[Rul lah los botaas

[Dii hes brit kulaas

[Dreh nu dahmaan usnutiid

[Ahrk nu rek mindok

[Zu'u nu fen kiibok

[Mahfaeraak fah aluntiid

[Ahrk zey mindok

[Ahrk rek mindok

[Un lokaal los vahzah

[Nii neh fent feim

[Ahrk mu dreh eim

[Un lokaal los vozah

[Ko koor mu kavrot

[Ofuun lokaal lot

[Med mu ofuun ulaan laas

[Ahrk fod tiid aros

[Pahvoth mu ahkos

[Mu gron ko stahdim aavlaas

[Ahrk zey mindok

[Ahrk rek mindok

[Un lokaal los vahzah

[Nii neh fent feim

[Ahrk mu dreh eim

[Un lokaal los vozah

This is really good, keep it up!

How do you translate it to English with the words that use special characters?

Anyways, I really like poetry, so if nobody else has made one, I would like to make a thread for people to post any poetry, songs, or other cool translations. Have any of you guys seen one of those yet?

Here, I decided to translate it as well, for those of you who aren't yet fluent in the language... or the use of a translator. Kovir, dii fahdonne!

Runes

[Rul lah los botaas

[Dii hes brit kulaas

[Dreh nu dahmaan usnutiid

[Ahrk nu rek mindok

[Zu'u nu fen kiibok

[Mahfaeraak fah aluntiid

[Ahrk zey mindok

[Ahrk rek mindok

[Un lokaal los vahzah

[Nii neh fent feim

[Ahrk mu dreh eim

[Un lokaal los vozah

[Ko koor mu kavrot

[Ofuun lokaal lot

[Med mu ofuun ulaan laas

[Ahrk fod tiid aros

[Pahvoth mu ahkos

[Mu gron ko stahdim aavlaas

[Ahrk zey mindok

[Ahrk rek mindok

[Un lokaal los vahzah

[Nii neh fent feim

[Ahrk mu dreh eim

[Un lokaal los vozah

Roman letters

Rul lah los botaas

Dii hes brit kulaas

Dreh nu dahmaan usnutiid

Ahrk nu rek mindok

Zu'u nu fen kiibok

Mahfaeraak fah aluntiid

Ahrk zey mindok

Ahrk rek mindok

Un lokaal los vahzah

Nii neh fent feim

Ahrk mu dreh eim

Un lokaal los vozah

Ko koor mu kavrot

Ofuun lokaal lot

Med mu ofuun ulaan laas

Ahrk fod tiid aros

Pahvoth mu ahkos

Mu gron ko stahdim aavlaas

Ahrk zey mindok

Ahrk rek mindok

Un lokaal los vahzah

Nii neh fent feim

Ahrk mu dreh eim

Un lokaal los vozah

Translation

When magic is flowing

My sweet, beautiful princess

Does now remember the past

And now she knows

I now will follow

Forever for the future

And I know

And she knows

Our love is true

It shall never fade

And we are aware

Our love is infinite

In summer we consummate

Sharing a love great

Like we share our whole lives

And when the time comes

Together we exist

We bind in holy matrimony

And I know

And she knows

Our love is true

It shall never fade

And we are aware

Our love is infinite