het praan kodlak whitemane

faal kul do ysgramor

kinbok do zeymahzin

rok lost zok zin do mu pah

aal rok rovaan sovngarde ul

This is supposed to mean: 

Here rests Kodlak Whitemane,

The heir of Ysgramor,

(The) leader of (the) companions.

He was (the) most honorable of us all.

May he wander Sovngarde (for) eternity.

This is well written, Naarspaandrem! 

Technically, what you wrote is fine (now that I've cross-referenced your Word Wall entry to another that uses "wander Sovngarde" verbiage). I would replace "faal kinbok" with "fin kinbok" since he was only one of the Harbingers of the Companions.

I would like to point out that, even though he'd not consider himself as a "leader" (in-game dialog referenced when you first ask to join), "kinbok" is as close as we're going to get as it connotes experience.

Thanks, man! "Faal" is only used for things in high regard, correct? I was using it to signify Ysgramor, but I see how that would get confusing. 

Or since fin and faal are rarely used you could cut it all together. Also, I think "qolaas" is a word for harbinger but it may not have the right connotations.