Thank you both, and please prioritize sleep Hahdremro. Praan ahrk kos mul dii fahdon! :{D

Here is the version without punctuation and apostrophes when you do have time though :)

The one thing I'm caught on is "this room is proof I can overcome them". Dragon clauses do sometimes connect together without the conjunction tol 'that', but not quite in a pattern like this. Just to be on the safe side, and to provide alternatives for your other choices, I might assemble daar hof fun vahzah tol zu'u suleykaar viika niin, 'this hall tells truthfully that I'm powerful to defeat them'.

Hmm, I like 'hall' instead of 'place,' that does seem better for 'room.' I think I want that option shortened somehow, as I feel it would stand out as being much longer than the other lines.

How about "This hall speaks to my power against them?"

"Daar hof tinvaak wah dii suleyk wah niin." 

By the way, is it Hof or Hofkah? I'm in favor of shortening sentences to match the general length of the other verses, and even lengthening some to do that. But I still gotta know if just 'Hof' is okay :)

Also, are my spaces between the sentences appropriate? More specifically, is me pressing 'enter' to drop down ONCE more accurate than pressing it twice, as I do in the latest image?

Hof is technically a non-canon word, but as the root of hofkiin 'hof-born' = 'home' and hofkah 'hof-pride' = 'steading' it is as well established as anything can reasonably be. Also, be aware that wah has just two uses: 1) to render verbs into infinitives, 2) to denote that something is moving toward or aimed at something. Daar hof tinvaak wah dii suleyk will unambiguously mean that dii suleyk is the listener or recipient of the spoken message.

If using a root word by itself is okay, sounds good!

Hmm, okay. I can't use 'to' in the way I want. I wish there was a word for 'shows' or 'reveals' or 'demonstrates' or hell my original plan, 'is proof.'

...Well, there is one for 'shine.' As in shedding light on something, such AS proof or truth.

Would this work?

'This hall shines truth I will defeat them' (can't find a way to say 'I CAN defeat them, so I'll use will again)

"Daar hof viin vahzen zu'u fen viik niin."

Or shoudl it be 'viika?' I saw you use that one before :{o

I think I like this spacing the best. Hopefully everything else is acceptable now?

Is my image not showing up for anyone? I see it just fine, but Hahdremro couldn't see the last one :{o

Zinrahzul
It's possible his Internet filter is filtering out URL shortners. I see the image fine. "Hall" should be "hofkah" "Can defeat" is "vis viik" "Bring light to"(drun kun wah) might work for "reveal"

Yep, it's the internet filter, totally on my end. I completely forgot to check this site over the weekend. Too busy sleeping. Very important stuff.

Vis is actually not canon. That said, it's an important word for many sentences, and from what I've seen, plenty of people on this site accept it anyway. Still, it's not found in any source material. Perhaps aal ("may") would work better to imply possibility. Your other translations work well. I actually really like your workaround for "reveal!"

I hope you got your sleep! :)

So it SHOULD be 'hofkah' and not just 'hof?' Okay.

Aal... Well 'may' is closer to 'can' than 'will!' I think I'll switch to that one.

"Daar hofkah viin vahzen zu'u aal viik niin"

Nice!

I'm still debating on the length though. Hof was nice and short, but I can't use that. 'Golt' (place) might shorten it a little :{o

I'm mostly trying to not have this one 'much longer line than the others.' A nitpick but I'm a nit-picker xD

Darn these primary meanings! xD

Hmm, I think I'm just gonna find a way to make the shorter lines longer. Just enough to justify how long I need that second verse to be...

Alright, the following English is structured to favor a more even-lengthed group of Dovahzul, not neccesarily the most quick and to the point. xD

Also, the final line I've decided will be enlarged in size on the Kel (since it's the most important statement and helps it match the length of the other verses).

All of my struggles are mine to bravely best

This hall shines truth I may defeat them

But this ambition is only the beginning of my story

To bring lasting order to my chaos

To not be hurt or be not with any person

To fully conquer my sadness and truly find happiness

I will create a world for my mind

                        Pah do dii kriffe los dii wah kril pruzaan

                       Daar hofkah viin vahzen zu'u aal viik niin

                       Nuz daar paar los nunon fin kiin do dii tey

                      Wah drun lingrah uthsero wah dii tahrovin

                     Wah ni kos ahraan uv kos ni voth naan mun

                    Wah orin kron dii tiiraaz ahrk vahzah siiv brii

               Zu'u fen zorox aan lein fah dii hahdrim

Flicker

Alright, the following English is structured to favor a more even-lengthed group of Dovahzul, not neccesarily the most quick and to the point. xD

Also, the final line I've decided will be enlarged in size on the Kel (since it's the most important statement and helps it match the length of the other verses).

 

All of my struggles are mine to bravely best

This hall shines truth I may defeat them

But this ambition is only the beginning of my story

 

To bring lasting order to my chaos

To not be hurt or be not with any person

To fully conquer my sadness and truly find happiness

 

I will create a world for my mind

 

                        Pah do dii kriffe los dii wah kril pruzaan

                       Daar hofkah viin vahzen zu'u aal viik niin

                       Nuz daar paar los nunon fin kiin do dii tey

 

                      Wah drun lingrah uthsero wah dii tahrovin

                     Wah ni kos ahraan uv kos ni voth naan mun

                    Wah orin kron dii tiiraaz ahrk vahzah siiv brii

 

               Zu'u fen zorox aan lein fah dii hahdrim

This is pretty darn good! You do use the word dii fairly often. Remember that the suffix -i ("my") works too, if you want to make it appear more diverse, or if you want to adjust the lengths of any lines. The Lessons section I linked above has more information on that, and I recommend checking it out to see if it would suit your needs.

This is becoming quite a beautiful poem. Pruzah pel, fahdoni!