Faal Al

Thurseyol, Junsekrah,

Kruziik rotte do vul ruth.

Ko strunmahhe, nust bo,

pah koraav yolsenah,

strunmahhe dein nust,

Qethsegol, ko niist hofkah praal

Vul lo, tinvaak rok, ved vingge fundein,

Jot bex voth yolos, ag jul ahrk sunvaar.

Yol ag kruziik golz, ahrk kruziik dwiin.

Ol rok bo, avok strunmah lot,

Nol lok, rok los nos, naal kruziik Thu'um.

Rotte tinvaak, naal Dovahkiin.

Ko Sovngarde, ok suleyk los mulaag,

Wah het, rok ok hokoron kiibok,

Het, rok grind dinok, nau Dovahkiin zahkrii.

Lord of Fire, King of Cold,

Ancient Words of dark rage.

Over mountains, they fly,

All see Fury's Flame,

Mountains guard they,

Word walls, in their halls lay.

Dark lies, spoke he, black wings unfurl,

Maw opens with flame, burning man and beast.

Fire burns ancient stone, and ancient steel.

As he flew, above mountain great,

From skies, he was struck, by ancient Voice.

Words spoken, by Dragonborn.

In Sovngarde, his power is strengthened,

To here, him his enemy followed.

Here, he met death, on Dragonborn blade.

I see a fair amount of Legacy Dovahzul here. That's fine for a personal project like this, but I did want you to know that Legacy is not widely used anymore. Aside from that, there are a few comments I'd like to make.

Thurseyol, Junsekrah,

Kruziik rotte do vul reylii.

The word reylii is not in the Legacy dictionary, but you say it means "ire." However, a synonym would be "anger," which does have a canon Dovahzul translation, rahgot. This is an example of why Legacy was dropped; the word reylii is more or less unnecessary. Other than that, I really like this stanza, as it introduces Alduin without using any of his usual honorifics, showing your creativity.

Ko fin strunmahhe, nust bo,

pah koraav nah yolos,

fin strunmah rahnd, dein nust,

Sikvund, niist praav piraak.

One of the interesting aspects of Dovahzul is the lack of necessity for articles. Words like fin are generally only used if they're really needed to clarify something, so they tend to be dropped to shorten the phrase. Dragons, although intrinsically linked to their language, tend to be beings of relatively few words. 

"Fury's flame" here is a bit curious. Yolos means a single flame, usually a smaller one like a candle flame. (See the Dictionary page for yolos HERE for more info.) The way you're using it, it seems like you'd rather use yol or toor instead. Also, you didn't really imply that the flame is from the fury. (Check out the Lessons page for showing possession HERE.) You could say yolsenah, yol do nah, or nahro yol, though the last one uses a somewhat uncommon possessive suffix.

Fin strunmah rahnd, dein nust, uses the Legacy word rahnd, which is somewhat unnecessary in this context. You could just say strunmah dein to imply that there is something in the mountains, as specifying a certain part of the mountain (the pass) might not be the kind of thing a dragon would do. They can access all parts of the mountain with relative ease, after all!

Sikvund doesn't translate to "Word Walls" in the Legacy dictionary either, so I'm not quite sure where that came from. But the word most commonly used to describe a Word Wall is qethsegol, which simply means "stone" (lit. "bone-of-earth"). Instead of saying "their lairs hold," try "in their halls" or something similar, as that's about as close as we can get with canon Dovahzul.

Vul lo, tinvaak rok, ved vingge fundein,

Jot bex voth yolos, ag jul ahrk sunvaar.

Yol parok kruziik golz, ahrk kruziik dwiin.

The Legacy word parok, "scorch," can be replaced with the canon word ag, "burn." Even though you used that earlier, it is the most accurate canon translation. Alternatively, you could use al, "destroy," instead. Other than that, this stanza is pretty great. You're displaying a good understanding of the sentence structure of the language, and your use of mostly canon words is promising.

Ol rok bo, avok strunmah lot,

Nol lok, rok los nos, naal kruziik zul.

Rotte tinvaak, naal Dovahkiin.

Avok should probalby be alok, but other than that, the first line of this stanza is good. The second line has some entertaining wordplay (try saying it five times fast!) but the use of zul is questionable. Since you're referring to the power of the Voice, rather than a normal speaking voice, the proper word to use here would be Thu'um. There's a definite distinction between the two. HERE's the Dictionary entry for zul, and HERE's the entry for Thu'um, so you can understand more about them.

Ko Sovngarde, ok suleyk los yolir,

Wah het, rok ok hokoron kiibok,

Het, rok grind dinok, nau Dovahkiin zahkrii.

Rather than the Legacy yolir, "renewed," you could say mulaag, "become stronger." It has a slightly different meaning, but it conveys a similar message and sticks to canon. Besides that, the stanza works great, and brings the arc of the story to a satisfying close.

You show a lot of potential here, fahdoni! Your syntax and phrasing is very reminiscent of the types of sentences used canonically, and the structure of the story itself feels like the kind of thing an ancient Nord would write about a great hero. Once you learn more of the available canon vocabulary, you'll be able to find synonyms easier and understand what kinds of sentences can be made in this language. Try the Memrise course to help you memorize more of the lexicon. It's fine to start by learning what words are available, even if you don't remember all of their translations at first. (Heck, even I have to use the Translator every now and then, but I remember most of the words that have Dovahzul translations, meaning I can still translate almost anything.)

Most importantly, keep writing! This was a fantastic exercise for both of us, and I'm glad you wrote this poem! Pruzah pel, zeymahi!

The use of avok as opposed to alok is because that section of the stanza means "above mountain great"

Vuldovyol

The use of avok as opposed to alok is because that section of the stanza means "above mountain great"

Alok is assumed to mean "above" in at least one in-game situation. In the meeting room in High Hrothgar, there are tapestries that say [Lok Alok] and [Thu'um Tu'um], which seems to mean "Sky above" and "Voice within." Still, the dictionary page for alok doesn't explicitly say that it means "above," and no other official sources say what tu'um means, so the accuracy of those tapestries is questionable. Anyway, it's good to try to find a canon translation whenever possible.